Observations at a Funeral: Death Sucks...We Don't Have To

I attended a funeral this past weekend. I was there to honor the person who died and support the family left behind. As I sat through the service, I watched broken-hearted family members sitting on the rows marked “Reserved." I saw adult children weep as they were forced to say goodbye to their mom. My heart broke as the song “Baby” played, and the youngest son’s final resolve for strength crumbled completely. His brother, trying to be a strong “Big Brother,"  attempting to soothe the void their mother’s death left behind.

Her husband sat stoic, almost in a trance…his strength resolve holding firm, waiting for a moment when he is alone for the first time in over 40 years. He will grieve in quiet. He won’t take a chance of adding his pain onto his sons’. His words of “It’s gonna be tough on them” echo in my heart as I wonder if he realizes how tough it’s going to be on him.

As I sat in the back of a packed funeral home, I couldn’t help but think of the times I’ve had the undesirable position of being part of the grieving family. I was struck by the inevitability that one day I will be there again, saying goodbye to who? My Mom or Dad? My Brother? My Husband…or heaven forbid one of my children? In those times would I be surrounded by people who were supportive, or people who had their own agenda in the midst of my loss? I looked around the packed funeral home and deciphered what I saw.

In this mix of grief, sadness, and pondering future losses; I saw some pretty amazing things. I saw people love on this family exactly where they were. There was no sense of expectation of how any of them should be grieving. People stood strong for the sons while they fell apart. Others set up food and cleaned up messes. There were people who laughed whole heartedly as the husband cracked his jokes as a means of keeping the hounds of grief at bay…if only for a few more hours. I did see some not so nice people and events, but they are not what I choose to focus on today…I want to focus on the reality that death does suck- but we as people don’t have to!

I saw lots of “un-sucky” people at this funeral. I saw an entire community rally to encourage and support a broken family. These things I have seen before and will see again, but there was one aspect of this funeral that left me in awe at the respect shown for the dead, those grieving, and the ones showing support. The actions that struck me to my heart didn’t happen at the funeral, or the graveside, or even at the family home afterward. The funeral procession trip from the funeral home to the cemetery stirred my heart and made me want to a better person…this is what my post today is all about.

The trip from the funeral home to the cemetery started out like every other one I have been a part of except that this one was VERY long! There were police officers that led our lengthy group and blocked oncoming traffic so we could make it from one location to the other. Pretty standard…right? The difference was this: at each intersection the officer blocked the road with his vehicle, got out of the vehicle and stood there with respect holding his removed hat across his chest. I was impressed by the first one, thinking “Isn’t that a nice thing he is doing?” 

Then we passed the second, and the third, on to possibly the 10^th officer and each and every one was showing the same respect with hat removed and positioned across his chest. I tried to get a picture, but there were technical difficulties and all I got was passing roadways. I was moved so deeply by this act of humility and honor. 

I later found out that the show of respect is the Sherriff’s policy. All I can say is that he would have my vote. I also found out that several of the officers volunteered on their day off to assist with the procession. (I don’t believe they got paid… they served this family and their friends) Way to go guys! You stirred my heart to be a better person.

There was one last gesture during the procession that gave me pause and made me reflect on a sign of respect I thought was long forgotten. ALL oncoming traffic pulled to the side of the road and let the entire procession line pass by (and remember…I said it was a long group) before they merged onto the road again to make it to their destination. Regular people, like you and me, showing respect for someone they didn’t know. What a great thing for them to do. They paused their life for just a few minutes, and that pause affected the deepest parts of me.

I don’t know if these things happened because we were in a small farming/ ranching community or if the people there are just better than those of us from other areas. Either way, it got me to thinking that we should all try to be better, do better, not be so self-centered, and to in general…try not to suck!

On the off chance that the police officers, people who pulled over for the procession, or even the people who helped the family on this dark day in their life read this…Thank you! From the bottom of my less-sucky heart…Thank You!!!

*I know this post strays from my typical language and voice. I want to always share truth with you. With that in mind...death does suck for those who are left behind, but God offers healing and hope. If you need help finding that hope, please feel free to contact me.