Managing grief during the holidays: receiving the gift of HOPE

Take a sneak peek and maybe find a source of hope for yourself or someone you love! This course is video based and work at your own pace, on your own time, and in your own location...It can be accessed from any device at any time so you are not tethered to the computer. You have lifetime access to it and all updates that are added. Gift yourself or someone you love with HOPE for the holidays!

Follow the link below to see the first video of the course...

http://ude.my/diwsk

If you decide to purchase...use coupon vid3promo 
to receive 50% off! (this promotion is for a limited time)


If you want it for yourself or to gift...use the following coupon code to save 50%
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Getting to know Me Podcast with the Word Slinger Kevin Tumlinson

Are you interested in getting to know me a little more and gain some insight about Shifted Vision? Listen to the Podcast interview I did with Kevin Tumlinson (AKA the "Word Slinger") 

www.kevintumlinson.com/podcast

WPC-006 - STORY THROUGH TRAGEDY WITH TAMMY MCDONALD

Every life has its tragedies and pain. That’s all part of the story. But you don’t have to let that pain define who you are. It’s part of the story, not the WHOLE story. This week we chat with Tammy McDonald, author of “Shifted Vision: Finding new life in the midst of devastation,” and founder of Shifted Vision Ministries. Learn how to turn around tragedy to make it an empowering part of your story.

As the Holidays creep closer, the sense of dread and anxiety begins to build for people who are facing a different Holiday than ever before. Perhaps it is the first season without a spouse, child, or parent. The longing for "The way things used to be" combined with the growing reminders that "Things will never be the same" can become crippling for some people. 

There is hope. You are not alone. There are tools and plans that you can develop that will help you manage the grief. You can't make it go away because it is a process to go through...not run from. 

I am offering a free grief workshop on managing grief during the Holidays. This workshop is for people who are grieving as well as people who love someone who is grieving. You play a role and can make this season easier on the people buried in grief.

If you can't attend the workshop, but need some coaching, contact me and I will help you make a plan.

Hope. Joy. Peace. Where can I find them?

Romans 15:13
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

*hope... TRUE HOPE... Not temporary or fabricated, can only come from the Lord. Life causes us to lose hope because of heartbreak, loss, or circumstances that shake our foundation.

Hope can be restored even after it has been lost. Its okay to ...doubt, question, and try to figure things out on your own for a bit as you wonder if God can still be trusted... After all , 'He didn't stop the terrible thing from happening' so with that, is He able to be trusted?

The answer fully and completely is YES! Your loss was not a punishment. It was not the act of a mean God striking out to see if you would still be standing on the other side!

Bad things happen... They just do. We all walk paths we don't think we can ever recover from. (Recovery is NOT FORGETTING-but thats a different post) Your path of brokenness is different from my path, but there are still shattered pieces along the way.

Our ONLY source of TRUE hope is God. With His hope comes peace and joy. The hope, peace and joy are buddies and hang out together! If you need hope, peace and joy today please message me. I will pray with you and for you.

There is hope to be had... I can help show you how to grab hold of it! *ask me about grief and loss coaching and lets get started!

What is crushed in spirit? What can be done?

What does "crushed in spirit" look like? What does God do with it?

Life can and does take a perfectly beautiful and good spirit and crush it. The best visual I've come up with is the difference between a whole pineapple and a crushed one.... They look nothing the same, yet are. Which state is your spirit in today? If you've faced losses and experienced pain, you very well may have had some crushing to your spirit. Once this happens, is there hope? YES!

Psalm 34:18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Crushed in spirit? He will save you!
He specializes in taking what the world destroys and putting it back together in a better way. I'd love to encourage you and pray with you today...feel free to message me or contact me. 

You can like me on Facebook as well. www.facebook.com/tammymcdonaldauthor

.: Why Does Death Suck?

.: Why Does Death Suck?: DEATH SUCKS, but do you know why? Separation is not in our God given DNA. It was never part of the original design of our hearts. Death is...

Why Does Death Suck?

DEATH SUCKS, but do you know why?

Separation is not in our God given DNA. It was never part of the original design of our hearts. Death is the separation that came as a result of sin. Its plan was to leave us without hope.

God had a back up plan through Jesus so we could have hope. That same hope is available to each of us in our places of grief and loss.

Some people navigate the path of healing, restoration, and rebuilding almost like it was an instinct. Others however get stuck. They long for restoration, but can't stop clinging to the rubble of a life that has fallen apart.

This my friend is where a grief and loss coach comes in. If you find yourself stuck, or realize someone you love is, be encouraged that there is hope. Jeremiah 29:11 is still true. I can help you (with the help of our wonderful Lord) move towards the hope of a new and abundant life.

Father, I lift up the person reading this post today. I believe it is no accident they stumbled upon it. Please encourage them in their places of grief. Shine Your rays of hope into their heart and mind. Allow those rays to point them to the next direction you have for them, or just give them the courage to take the next breath. Let them know they are not alone and You have not abandoned them. Speak to them in ways only You can and in ways they can receive. Give them moments of peace in their hearts and minds today. I thank you for this in Jesus' name~ Amen.

Message or email me at shiftedvisionministries@gmail.com if you need more encouragement.
#shiftedvision

Is There a Cure or am I Terminal? I Don't Have Time for This!

Today I am burdened. 

       *My house looks like a scene from a ground zero disaster. 

       *I have very real work deadlines that are closing in as well as self-imposed ones.

       * We are supposed to leave on a five day camping trip today and I still have to shop for groceries and pack my personal items as well as all of the things my family needs to survive because we definitely are not people who like to “rough it” even when camping. 

       *To top it all off, my oldest daughter has a mandatory orientation for Dual Credit classes that we must attend. 

I am overwhelmed. My list of things that must be done far outweigh what I feel that I have time to do. Can you relate?

In these times (and they happen far too frequently) the world and even my instincts tell me to work harder, work faster, do not slow down. There is so much to be done and there is no time for rest. There is no time to pause and seek God or invite Him into my hectic schedule. (Even as I type this I am getting the "stink eye" from my husband. He is wondering why I'm on the computer reaching out to you instead of running around like a crazy woman trying to get everything done)

I would like to say that I am skilled at bringing these thoughts into captivity (2 Corinthians 10:5). 

I would like to say it is easy for me to pause long enough to lay the heavy burden of my “to-do list” at the feet of Jesus and allow Him to give me rest (Matthew 11:28) 

I wish that as I feel myself becoming depleted of energy, I would just stop and wait upon God so my strength could be renewed (Isaiah 40:31).

Instead of these things, far too often I rush through life with the mantra “I just don’t have time for stopping and waiting for God.” It’s funny how I can continue to add more stuff to my  “to do list” but default to not having enough time to pause for God.

This leads me to ask myself, “What is the issue?” If I can continue to add more to my “get it done” list, why can’t I make it a priority to invite God to be a part of it? Why can’t I just stop for 10 minutes (or even 1 or 2) to allow Him to refill me so that I have the strength to continue on? Why is He the only optional part of my schedule?

Here are the things that I think it could be:

I confuse business with faithfulness: I bury myself in serving others, building a business that points people to Jesus by way of the books I author, the Life Coaching sessions that I do 1:1, the mentoring, and the retreats and events that I speak at. I pour lots of myself into these things and always use God as the compass. I can by all means continue in this way making the service a priority but for how long? How long will it be before I am on the floor, worn out, broken, and giving up?

I confuse excellence with perfectionism: I keep myself so busy and don’t enjoy most of the journey because everything must be done and it must be perfect. I get trapped in gravitational pull of perfectionism. It keeps everything ridged and non-flexible. Perfectionism is about my own strength and ability. That is now how God designed us though. Excellence is about His ability and grace through me. Perfectionism wears me out and pushed people away because nothing will ever be good enough or acceptable. Excellence allows me to walk in peace and trust God.

I might be a little bit of a control freak: I think this comes with perfectionism. With the need to be in control, I am essentially saying that I am the only one who can do it and do it right. It shows a lack of trust and God. Sure, God made me detail oriented for a reason, but it was not for me to take His place on the throne of my own heart.

I know that I am not the only one who lives like this. Business seems to be an epidemic with most of the people I know.

So what do I do? How do I make it a priority to pause and wait on God when in the natural is seems like I just don’t have time?

I find the answer in Romans 12:2. It tells me to not be conformed to the patterns of this world (the pattern of busyness applies), but I am to be transformed by the renewing of my mind. (It gets renewed in the time of pause…waiting on God) After that, I will be able to test and approve what God’s will is for me, my life, and my day. I might even learn what He wants me to have on my to-do list. Just as important I might find out what He wants me to remove from my list of obligations.

This leads me to the last questions. How do I pause? How do I add something in when I can’t breathe as it is? I have come up with a starting point. As God opens your schedule, you may want to add more time to any or all of these ideas.

Worship Music: find a place to just sit and listen to worship music. Most songs are 3-4 minutes long so give yourself permission to physically and mentally be still for the length of one song. It the time of one game of Candy Crush Saga and I promise you will get more out of it. During this time just listen to the words and allow your heart and mind to engage and connect with the Father you are seeking.

Thanking God: Set your timer for 3-4 minutes. Go to a quiet place (I typically have to do this in my car sitting in my driveway) and just thank God. Thank Him for what He has done in your life, who He is to you. Just open your heart and pour gratefulness out to Him. Lavish Him with the praises He deserves.

Prayer: Here again, set your timer for 3-4 minutes. Find a quiet place and give Him your “to-do list." You care about the list and every detail on is. The Word says for us to cast our cares upon the Lord… and He will new our strength. If you need strength to tackle your list, this is the way to get it.

I want to be honest, all of you. I am absolutely “preaching to the choir” on this issue. I suffer from the disease of busyness. Thankfully the it is curable and doesn't have to be terminal. 

There is hope…for each of us!

Scripture references for this post:

2 Corinthians 10:5 (NIV) 5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

Matthew 11:28(NIV) 28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest

Isaiah 40:31

 (NIV) 

31 but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Romans 12:2

(NIV) 

2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Observations at a Funeral: Death Sucks...We Don't Have To

I attended a funeral this past weekend. I was there to honor the person who died and support the family left behind. As I sat through the service, I watched broken-hearted family members sitting on the rows marked “Reserved." I saw adult children weep as they were forced to say goodbye to their mom. My heart broke as the song “Baby” played, and the youngest son’s final resolve for strength crumbled completely. His brother, trying to be a strong “Big Brother,"  attempting to soothe the void their mother’s death left behind.

Her husband sat stoic, almost in a trance…his strength resolve holding firm, waiting for a moment when he is alone for the first time in over 40 years. He will grieve in quiet. He won’t take a chance of adding his pain onto his sons’. His words of “It’s gonna be tough on them” echo in my heart as I wonder if he realizes how tough it’s going to be on him.

As I sat in the back of a packed funeral home, I couldn’t help but think of the times I’ve had the undesirable position of being part of the grieving family. I was struck by the inevitability that one day I will be there again, saying goodbye to who? My Mom or Dad? My Brother? My Husband…or heaven forbid one of my children? In those times would I be surrounded by people who were supportive, or people who had their own agenda in the midst of my loss? I looked around the packed funeral home and deciphered what I saw.

In this mix of grief, sadness, and pondering future losses; I saw some pretty amazing things. I saw people love on this family exactly where they were. There was no sense of expectation of how any of them should be grieving. People stood strong for the sons while they fell apart. Others set up food and cleaned up messes. There were people who laughed whole heartedly as the husband cracked his jokes as a means of keeping the hounds of grief at bay…if only for a few more hours. I did see some not so nice people and events, but they are not what I choose to focus on today…I want to focus on the reality that death does suck- but we as people don’t have to!

I saw lots of “un-sucky” people at this funeral. I saw an entire community rally to encourage and support a broken family. These things I have seen before and will see again, but there was one aspect of this funeral that left me in awe at the respect shown for the dead, those grieving, and the ones showing support. The actions that struck me to my heart didn’t happen at the funeral, or the graveside, or even at the family home afterward. The funeral procession trip from the funeral home to the cemetery stirred my heart and made me want to a better person…this is what my post today is all about.

The trip from the funeral home to the cemetery started out like every other one I have been a part of except that this one was VERY long! There were police officers that led our lengthy group and blocked oncoming traffic so we could make it from one location to the other. Pretty standard…right? The difference was this: at each intersection the officer blocked the road with his vehicle, got out of the vehicle and stood there with respect holding his removed hat across his chest. I was impressed by the first one, thinking “Isn’t that a nice thing he is doing?” 

Then we passed the second, and the third, on to possibly the 10^th officer and each and every one was showing the same respect with hat removed and positioned across his chest. I tried to get a picture, but there were technical difficulties and all I got was passing roadways. I was moved so deeply by this act of humility and honor. 

I later found out that the show of respect is the Sherriff’s policy. All I can say is that he would have my vote. I also found out that several of the officers volunteered on their day off to assist with the procession. (I don’t believe they got paid… they served this family and their friends) Way to go guys! You stirred my heart to be a better person.

There was one last gesture during the procession that gave me pause and made me reflect on a sign of respect I thought was long forgotten. ALL oncoming traffic pulled to the side of the road and let the entire procession line pass by (and remember…I said it was a long group) before they merged onto the road again to make it to their destination. Regular people, like you and me, showing respect for someone they didn’t know. What a great thing for them to do. They paused their life for just a few minutes, and that pause affected the deepest parts of me.

I don’t know if these things happened because we were in a small farming/ ranching community or if the people there are just better than those of us from other areas. Either way, it got me to thinking that we should all try to be better, do better, not be so self-centered, and to in general…try not to suck!

On the off chance that the police officers, people who pulled over for the procession, or even the people who helped the family on this dark day in their life read this…Thank you! From the bottom of my less-sucky heart…Thank You!!!

*I know this post strays from my typical language and voice. I want to always share truth with you. With that in mind...death does suck for those who are left behind, but God offers healing and hope. If you need help finding that hope, please feel free to contact me.

Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

All I want to do is beat myself up…I messed up AGAIN! I feel like pounding my head against the wall yelling “Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!”

When I am like this (and it happens a lot), I see God, not as my loving Father, but as an exasperated boss who is upset with me because I just can’t seem to get it right. The human side of me pictures Him as frustrated and angry, wanting to punish me or give up on me. I imagine His saying, “You are such a failure. You are a screw up! Why do I waste my time on you? I do everything I can to teach you, but you are unteachable! You disgust me! I give up on you. You are not worth my time and effort!”

Can anyone else relate?

It is very easy for me to get trapped with this false image of God. The problem is that my imaginary God is tainted by a human view of acceptance and love. If I allow myself to keep this image, then I pull away from Him instead of running to Him…because of my flawed perception of who He is and His character. Just like a child hiding from his parent when he knows he is going to get punished.

The only way for me to correct this idea of who God is, is by going to scripture.

Lamentations 3:22-23 (NIV) Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.

2 Corinthians 12:9 (NIV) My grace is sufficient for your, for my power is made perfect in weaknesses.

With this knowledge, I can cut myself some slack. I can brokenly go to Him and allow Him to love on me, restore me, and build me up. His compassions toward me (and you) never fail. He never gives up on us. He loves us with a perfect love that is so difficult for us to understand or attempt to embrace.

So today, instead of beating myself up or pounding my head against the wall, I go to  Daddy God, who sees my weakness and has compassion. I allow Him to take me in His arms and hold me. I can hear Him say, “It’s okay. I’m still here. I still love you. You will get it. I will use your weakness to show my grace. I will not reject you or turn you away. You are my child…and I’ve got your back. Just keep trying. I love you! Now love yourself. I show mercy to you, now have mercy on yourself. I forgive you, now forgive yourself.”

If you found this encouraging...Please share with your friends via email and social media!

How can I encourage you?

Today is Monday...new Blog post day. Instead of me sharing how I am doing, I would like to hear from you. What are your struggles and how can I encourage you this week? Feel free to leave a reply here, or you can email me at shiftedvisionministries@gmail.com 

I will address each reply and post. May God's blessings pour abundantly upon you and your family this week.

You Are Needed: Be the Hands and Feet to the Helpers!

We all know at least one person of Faith, who seems so capable and strong. You might be tempted to label them as a “Super-Faither” (not a real term, by the way, ) and when you need prayer they quite possibly are the ones you call first because somehow you believe that God must hear their prayers over your own. (yet another false-hood)

These people have proven to you that they can be counted on when life breaks your heart.  They sit with you when a loved one dies. They walk with you as you navigate a painful divorce. They cry with you for hours as your child lay sick. They clean your home and help your family when you are down and can’t do it yourself. They physically and spiritually step in and help when your are in despair; pouring out the love and compassion of Jesus with each hug, prayer, meal, phone call, and act of support. They have let you know that you are not alone and that God has not abandoned you.

It is very easy to assume that this very strong and giving person never needs the same types of support. They appear so strong in faith and ability; you might be tempted to think “What would I have to offer them?” You may perceive that their relationship with God is strong enough that they wouldn’t need anything from other people. This is a complete lie of them enemy. Strong people (even strong “Faithers”) NEED people too.

 I am one of the strong people I speak about in the opening of this passage. I have earthquakes and heart breaks. Every person who is in ministry and leadership does. Yes, we do have our faith, and we do have God, but there are times we simply need others to sit with us. We experience the death of loved ones and miss them just as much as anyone else. Come sit with us when that happens…be there.

We have difficult times in relationships and life get turned upside down…come walk our path with us.

We have children that get sick and our hearts break for them, and we plead with God for His healing and restoration…come pray and cry with us.

We get overwhelmed with life sometimes and need help with the children, our laundry, a meal…come be the hands and feet of Jesus with us.

We are not islands of our own making. We become isolated because others see us reach out and serve, but don’t pause to think that we might need a hug and prayers of encouragement too. We might need a meal during difficult times. We might need a card just letting us know that someone cares. Our hearts break too, and knowing that someone cares and are willing to be there to support us during those times helps us know that we are loved by the very people we love on.

Our heartbreaks are no less painful than yours. Our disappointments are no less disappointing than yours.  Our loneliness is no less lonely. Our losses are no less devastating. With this said…, please feel free to love on us accordingly. I speak for strong, faith-filled servants in your life when I say "We need you as much as you need us!" 

*If you like this post, please feel free to share through your social media sites, and email groups. You can also follow this blog as well as sign up for email updates* 

1 Peter 4:8-10 Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace:

Galatians 6:2 Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.

Hebrews 10:24-25  And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12  Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

Proverbs 27:17  As iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another

Colossians 2:2 That their hearts may be encouraged, being knit together in love, to reach all the riches of full assurance of understanding and the knowledge of God's mystery, which is Christ, 

When God's Plan Trumps Our Plan

It seems that we make a million decisions a day. Some are small and seem to have little consequence in our lives, like “Do I want to wear flats or heels today?” Sure, we may regret the heels, but as far as its affecting the outcome of the rest of our life, it really doesn’t matter much.

Other decisions, though, can change the entire course of our lives. “Do I want to marry this man?” “Do I want to stay married to this man who has been unfaithful?” “Am I ready to be a parent…even though I am single?” “Should I take this job?” “Should I go to college?”

These decisions we ponder and consider them with great attention. We weigh the pros and cons. We place them on the balance scale of our life to make as complete and informed of a decision as possible. Then we make a decision and move forward  on the path we have chosen.

What happens though if God’s plans are different from ours? Do we consider things long enough to allow His input into our decision making?

In the earthly realm, God’s plan may not balance out quite as well as ours might. Let’s look at Joseph. He had a difficult decision to make when he found out that his betrothed, Mary, was with child…and it wasn’t his child she was carrying. This circumstance just doesn’t balance well at all!

Matthew 1:19-20, 24

Because Joseph her husband was faithful to the law, and yet did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly. But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, "Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit…. When Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took Mary home as his wife.

Joseph weighed things out and even made an honorable decision. He was going to divorce Mary quietly instead of persecuting her and having her punished. He was making a Godly decision…but it wasn’t God’s plan. God had a perfect plan for him in this circumstance. It wasn’t the easy plan, or the logical plan…but it was the perfect plan.

Joseph was open to an alternate plan that God had for his life. It didn’t balance well, and it definitely was not comfortable…but he was a man who listened to God and chose God’s perfect plan over his own good plan.

I want to encourage you today to pause. Allow God to speak to you in your circumstances today. Even though your plan may be a GOOD plan, doesn’t mean it’s God’s PERFECT plan. He may be arranging things to change the world through your unbalanced circumstances.

Suffering From Valentine-itis? Here is the Cure!

It’s that time of year again. I can already feel the hot sting of disappointment that plagues me in an attempt to make me feel unloved, unworthy, and rejected.  It started in the 6^th grade as I sat in Homeroom. I watched as the Student Counsel passed out carnations. I silently prayed that someone…anyone…would think I was special enough to ask me to be their Valentine. As the stack of carnations dwindled, the disappointment grew. “Please, please, please call my name! I just want a stupid flower!” My heart sunk as the last flower was handed out, and none of them were for me.  It was my first time to experience the rejection that said “You aren’t special to anyone in the whole school.”

I re-lived that experience all the way through Jr. High and High School. Each year it was the same thing. Each year I experienced the same rejection. Each year my heart took a beating. I tried with all my might to pretend that it didn’t matter, but in all honesty it mattered a great deal.

You’d think that as I grew up, Valentine's Day would get better. No such luck. I NEVER had a date for Valentines. I didn’t get flowers or chocolates. I spent each year alone, lonely, and feeling once again…rejected. At least as an adult now I could lock myself in my apartment and avoid the day altogether…unless I had to work. Then it was like 6^th grade all over again. I’d watch with hope that quickly turned to dread each time the delivery trucks arrived with flowers, balloons, and candy.  My name was never on the card. I never had a Valentine.

Once I got married, I thought this pattern would change. The husband is obligated to buy his wife flowers and chocolates…right? Well, my sweet hubby has tons of amazing qualities, and I love him very much. He loves me too, but he has one flaw that is magnified each year on Valentines. My husband is “Romantically Challenged.” While he gets straight A’s in many aspects of our marriage, he simply isn’t any good at the “make me swoon” stuff that Valentine’s Day seems to call for.

As the February 14^th holiday approaches, I am pondering the lifetime of disappointment inflicted upon me by Valentine’s Day. I pause and wonder what can I do to avoid feeling rejected, unloved, and disappointed. What is the cure for my recurring case of Valentine-itis?

It makes sense that the cure would be in the heart of the holiday...love. So I must start with love. What is it and where does it come from?

1 John 4:8 says “God is love.”

He doesn’t just love, but He IS love! That to me is a good start to my cure. I need to connect with the love that is God, not the commercially branded love that leaves me disappointed and feeling rejected or unloved. This means love isn't a limp carnation...I must desire Him over the elusive flowers.

Just knowing what love is isn’t enough though…We desire love that lasts and will not reject us. 

 Deuteronomy 7:9 tells us to “Know, therefore, that the LORD your God is God, the faithful God, who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments…”.

God will not turn His back on me because His love is steadfast… not wavering or changing. That’s a love that you can count on beyond one day of the year. Its more reliable than that box of chocolates that does turn on you as it grabs ahold of your thighs and doesn't want to let go.

Perhaps this quote by Rick Warren sums it up pretty good. “God is love. He didn’t need us. But he wanted us. And that is the most amazing thing.”

Deep down, it was never about the flowers or the chocolate. It was always about wanting to be wanted, and God wants me! He wants you too!

Tired Parents (+) Teenagers = Civil War

Tired Parents (+) Teenagers = Civil War

Mom and Dad of a teenager, I know you are tired. Your heart begs for a reprieve from the onslaught of rolling eyes, caustic tones, and raging hormones that have overtaken your once sweet, loving, and adoring child.

Your household has shifted from a tranquil place that you knew how to control and navigate, to a civil war zone led by a teen rebel that pushes every boundary you spent years establishing. The daily battle has you ready to wave the white flag of surrender hoping for a measure of peace.

My sweet, tired friend…this is HUGE lie from the enemy himself.

The Politics of a Family

Your family began as a Dictatorship the moment your sweet baby (now a teen rebel) was conceived. You had complete decision making authority and over time became quite successful and even comfortable in your role as Dictator. That Dictatorship was necessary for a season so your child could have an example of what a safe and secure life should look like.  

As they got older, your household should have transitioned to a Democracy. In this Democracy, your child should have begun to have a say in things and learn to trust his/her self in the process. You as the parent kept the rights to veto and override anything that didn’t line up with your family’s core values and beliefs, but you also showed your child levels of respect in the things you allowed them input over. During this time, they will have made some poor choices and as a parent you should have allowed them to experience the results of some of those decisions with love and guidance. The trick during this time was to be sure you didn’t crush them as a domineering Dictator or protect them from consequences completely as a Monarch might do.

As they enter teen hood, a Civil War erupts in your nice Democracy as they begin trying to figure out how to manage their own space and territory. As parents, we know they are not ready…as teens they believe they are. In this season, they push every boundary trying to gain more independence and control moving away from blindly accepting things they have accepted before.

I know this is very difficult (we are living this ourselves) but it is part of the process. Our goal as parents is ultimately to allow our children to establish their own “Nation” and have the skills and tools to run it with wisdom. How do they develop those tools? The tool kit is built during the Dictatorship, Democracy, and Civil War stages they experience in your home as they grow up. If you as parent surrender too quickly, you run the risk of your child setting up their own country, but not being able to manage it. They may forever be the country that needs a bail out because you gave up too soon—because you were too tired to keep parenting—-and we both know you don’t want that.

Now is not the time to throw in the towel. You started this race, and you need to finish strong! There is an entire future at stake…your child’s!

Here is a prayer and scriptures that may help you during this season  to help you stay on course and not throw in the white flag of surrender.

Dear Lord, Your word says that there is a season for everything. I find myself in a season of battle with my teenager,  and I am tired. I choose to wait on you so you can renew my strength.  As my strength is renewed in this season, I gain courage to stand strong and continue in this race of parenting that you have called me to run. Help me run this race to win it so that I may obtain the prize.  So as I continue day by day Lord, help me not grow weary in doing the good things required of me as a parent and help me trust that when the time is ripe I will see my child standing strong in their faith and full of wisdom and confidence not only in their own abilities to manage their lives but also in You.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens…

Isaiah 40:31 They that wait upon the Lord share renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

1 Corinthians 9:24 Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it.

2 Timothy 4:7 I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.

Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

Galatians 6:9 Let us know become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

Proverbs 22:6 Train a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.